mike Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 I don't use pick up lines, I just show up. Brothels are good like that... not my thing though Look, someones gotta pick your sister up from work. I would have thought you could do it, seeing as you're her best customer and all... nah, your thinking about his dad I thought it was his brother? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pakage Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 I don't use pick up lines, I just show up. Brothels are good like that... not my thing though Look, someones gotta pick your sister up from work. I would have thought you could do it, seeing as you're her best customer and all... nah, your thinking about his dad I thought it was his brother? i thought it was you? win Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 ... ok there was this one time... *goes off to try fit back into knee-high boots*... :armata_pdt_32: :barfkiss: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nato Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 C'mon guys, take that shit to the pm's please, they are there for a reason... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kritical Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 take that shit to the pm's please But you never reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pakage Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 take that shit to the pm's please But you never reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Displaced Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 i made this one up go up to a girl and motion towards your arm where your watch is (you must be wearing a watch) and ask her for tha time... Possiblities.. 1.) She says yes it's 11.25 2.) She says sorry I don't know Now what you want her to say is... 1.) Well it's... (then notices you're wearing a watch and says ) hey you're wearing a watch. then you say oh man you caught me I just wanted to talk to you... BOOM then you're away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robyn Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Last night at Break and Fierce I had to go down to the ATM and while I was making my transaction a dude comes up to me and says "How much are you getting out? Must be a million bucks 'cause that's what you look like" CHEESE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 least your getting pick up lines... I feel so left out :drogar-cry(dbg): :drunk: :mecry: ... :jumpnhump: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kritical Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Well it's... (then notices you're wearing a watch and says ) hey you're wearing a watch. then you say oh man you caught me I just wanted to talk to you... BOOM then you're away! Or.. shes going to say... "Oh okay...right" and then a arkward silence will ensue.. if this happens I would suggest pointing out something behind her and then take this opportunity to meddle with her drink... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 girls pick me up usually......its a gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Displaced Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 Well it's... (then notices you're wearing a watch and says ) hey you're wearing a watch. then you say oh man you caught me I just wanted to talk to you... BOOM then you're away! Or.. shes going to say... "Oh okay...right" and then a arkward silence will ensue.. if this happens I would suggest pointing out something behind her and then take this opportunity to meddle with her drink... bahahahaha yea true, then... like tha jungle panther... instint takes over and you have to resort to freestyling... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LyraKil Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 "your father must have been a theif as he stole the tyres from my car and stuck them in you lips. ba hahahah old skool steaz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KN Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 "I have a huge penis" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dold Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 "I have a huge penis" But what happens when you make it back home? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KN Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Never gotten that far, deal with that problem as it comes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LyraKil Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 get the lassy so blind she cant see there problem solved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Awesome Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 (edited) get the lassy so blind she cant see there problem solved. Hahaha, this seems ones step away from the "Hey does this *edit*Taste like Rohypnol to you?" Line though. Edited June 26, 2007 by Guest Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LyraKil Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 but liquor is a legal way to get them to do that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. MuN Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 get the lassy so blind she cant see there problem solved. Hahaha, this seems ones step away from the "Hey does this smell like Rohypnol to you?" Line though. Rohypnol is odourless, so no wories there, i'm not sure if sniffing a powder is the smartest idea,.. stick to the chloroform rags for sniffing i'd say Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Rohypnol is odourless You know this how? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 ignore the numbers.....they mean nothing Straight to the Point: When you have to know, now. Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew... 12 1 Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No??? Well, let's go on a picnic and find out! 21 2 Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I? 16 1 Do you take it up the ass? 17 2 Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm? 1 0 Excuse me, have I fucked you yet? 1 0 Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize? 0 0 Fancy a fuck? 23 2 Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist. 0 0 Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? 23 2 Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you? 23 2 Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me? 0 0 Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Laura? 0 0 Go up to a someone at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a fuck... (wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink? 0 0 Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to? 0 0 Hey babe, how about a pizza and a fuck? [slap] HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza? 0 0 Hey babe, wanna get LUCKY!? 29 23 Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs. 0 0 Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag! 0 0 Hey baby, I want to lick your thighs. 0 0 Hey baby, let's go make some babies. 20 2 Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard? 0 0 Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat. 0 0 Hey baby, what do you say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!? 0 0 Hey I am a wrestler, let me take you down. 0 0 Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy? 10 1 Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no'), OK then, can we just practice? 0 0 Hi, I'm a tawdry slut looking for a good time. 0 0 Hi, I'm not trying to pressure you, I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; and by the way, you have my consent. 0 0 Hi, my name is {name}, I like peanut butter, wanna fuck? 120 12 Hi, wanna fuck? (No!) Mind lying down while I do? 10 1 I am a magical being, take off your bra. 0 0 I love you. I want to marry you. Now fuck my brains out. 0 0 I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? 10 3 I must expel some seminal fluid. May I use your body? 0 0 I think we have to make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW! 0 0 I wanna put my thingy into your thingy. 120 100 I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch! 0 0 I'd like to tie you to a rafter and fuck you up and down. 0 0 I'd love to swap bodily fluids with you. 0 0 I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there. 0 0 If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 0 0 Let's bypass all the bullshit and just get naked. Not enough Enough Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. 0 0 My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover." 0 0 My name's [your name]That's so you know what to scream. 0 0 Nice shoes, wanna fuck? 10 1 Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex? 0 0 Nice tits. Mind if I feel them? 0 0 NOW, BITCH! 0 0 Oh, you're a bird watcher....(Whip out your unit and ask) Well, would you take this for a swallow? 0 0 Sex is a killer...want to die happy? 0 0 Since we shouldn't waste this day and age what you say we use these condoms in my pocket before they expire. 0 0 Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?" 0 0 Take off that dress and fuck my brains out, you cave newt. 10 1 The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor. 0 0 The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. 0 0 Wanna fuck like bunnies? 30 3 We're going to dance to one song, then go back to my apartment and fuck. 0 0 What can I do to make you sleep with me? 0 0 What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply. 0 0 Your face or MINE!? 0 0 Your place or mine? 0 0 Submitted Line Attempts Successes I wish you were a screen door..... [Why?] So I can slam you all day long! 0 0 Let's go get liquored up and rape each other. 5 1 Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours. 0 0 Chick do now. 804,147(or so one guy claims) 0 I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart... --- 0 Nice legs, lets eat out. --- 0 Hey! Wanna play war? (replies)WHAT? (you)Yea, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck outta me! --- 0 If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole? --- 0 You touch his shirt and ask, "Is this cotton?" Wait for response. Then touch down in the crotch area and say, "Oh, this must be felt." --- 0 Hi my name is (your name), did I mention I have a penis. --- 0 My dick's been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth? 0 0 Show me your pussy! --- 0 Are you going to the party tonight (what party?) The one in your mouth, everybody's cumming. --- 0 If I take off my clothes, will you fuck me? 19 0 If I told you I had a 2 inch dick would you fuck me? (if she says no) say Good, because mine is 8 inches. 17 1 I know where there is a good party, they've got liquor in the front and poker in the rear. --- 0 Oh my God! I think I love you! Now lay down! --- 0 Hey good lookin', whatcha got cookin'? Nuthin could be finer than the taste of your vagina! --- 0 I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in --- 0 Dah, wanna see my dink? --- 0 (silently mouth) I want a fig newton. --- 0 Do you have a beard on your pussy/asshole? (No.) Want one? --- 0 Your chest looks a little sore. Would you like me to numb it? --- 0 Do you wanna lick my tongue? --- 0 Hello. I have sex on the first date. Do you? --- 0 Do you like apples? (Yes.) How about I take you home and fuck the shit out of you. How do like them apples? --- 0 Do you like jewels? (Yes.) Suck my dick, it's a gem. --- 0 Person #1: hey, you wanna do a 68? Person #2: What? Person #1: You go down, and I'll owe you one. --- 0 Mean people suck, nice people swallow. I'm nice. --- 0 Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length of the penis is six inches, the average female received two hundred and sixteen inches or fifteen feet per intercourse. Three times per week, fifty two weeks in a year, so, 150 times 18 makes 2700 feet, or just over a mile and a half. If you are not getting your mile and a half, why not let me help out? --- 0 Tell me how my cum tastes. --- 0 First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then, I'll move up to your belly button. 1 1 I've got a great big cock! --- 0 You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. --- 0 Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I like Spaghetti, Let's go fuck! --- 0 Your lips are kinda wrinkled. Mind if I press them? --- 0 Do you cheesy lines or do you just want to do it? --- 0 May i pleasure you with my tongue? --- 0 Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge? --- 0 I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What say we go upstairs and work out a remedy. --- 0 (walk up to the bar and sit down in the seat next to them. While looking at them, order a drink and drink it down) Well, we can't fuck here! --- 0 Fuck me, I'm beautiful enough to be with you all night. --- 0 So, Is it safe to say I'm gonna score? --- 0 Hi I'm (your name) I swallow --- 0 I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas. --- 0 Mines bigger than his want proof? --- 0 I got a 14 inch cock, why don't you come home with me and I'll let you ride it. --- 0 You are rubber, I'm glue, what ever you say, I bet I will fuck you. --- 0 Looks don't matter, I'll just wrap you in a flag and fuck you for glory. --- 0 I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't cum in 30 minutes, the next one is free. --- 0 I would fuck you so hard, you'd learn from it. --- 0 Do you like my belt buckle? (any response is okay ) It would look better against your forehead! --- 0 Do you wanna come to the Marines, or would your rather have a Marine come into you? yikes 0 Happy hour's over but it's still going strong at my place. --- 0 Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later. --- 0 Do you have any tacos on you? (No.) In that case, will you make out with me? --- 0 Would you fuck a complete stranger? (No) Then Hi, my name is... --- 0 Are you gay? (No.) Wow, me neither, let's have sex. --- 0 Hi. Last night, a little leprechaun came up to me and told me that if you don't have sex with me tonight, your(or my) dick is going to fall off. We don't want that now do we? --- 0 I'm conducting a survey on the taste of vaginas. Wanna be my first participant? --- 0 If I washed my dick, would you suck it? (No.) Oh, so you like to suck dirty dicks. --- 0 Let's go fuck in a brand new limo. --- 0 Look out in the night sky. You see that bright light to the right of that red one? That is a comet that is streaking toward here at 34546 miles per hour. At that rate, it will be here in about an hour. So, wanna fuck? --- 0 Life is like a dick. When it gets hard, "Fuck it". --- 0 love is a sensation; caused by a temptation; to feel penetration; a guy sticks his location; in a girl's destination; to increase the population; for the next generation; did you get my explanation; or do you need a demonstration? --- 0 Nice fucking weather. Want to? --- 0 Wanna fuck, or should I call my lawyer? --- 0 Hi, my name is Guerrermo. I eat pussy like a woman. --- 0 You remind me of a blue ribbon bass. I don't know if I should mount you or eat you. 2 1 Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under... --- 0 I'm not a slut, I'm just popular. Wanna fuck me and be the Big Man on Campus? 0 0 You know, you really piss me off. You are the most disgusting bitch I have ever seen. Absolutely disgraceful. Wanna suck my hairy balls? --- 0 And why not!?! You -will- go home with me tonight. 0 Ah, the Jedi mind trick finally finds a good use... 0 I ran out of Viagra. Can I use you? --- 0 Do you know what part of the tongue registers the "salty taste? Why don't you blow me and find out? --- 0 Excuse me, but I think that you are too drunk to drive. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? [Does it] Next, I need for you to bend over and spell "RUN". --- 0 Can you lick your nipples? [No.] Can I? --- 0 Alright, let's go... I'll give you a half hour. --- --- I'm not an expert in hardware, but I know that you'd be able to screw my nuts off. --- --- (put out hand) Give me five. (after they give you five, leave your hand up) Give me elbow. (after they give you elbow, leave your hand up) Give me shoulder. (after they give you shoulder, leave your hand up) Give me nose. (after they give you nose, leave your hand up) Give me head. --- --- Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut? --- --- Roses are black, violets are red, what is it going to take, to get you into bed? --- Roses are black? You've been a bad, bad girl(boy). Go to my room! 10 5 Ever slept in a \\$5000 bed? Want to? 3 2 This is a condom. If we put it on, we can have sex. 3 1 I'm hard. You wet? --- --- I'm a necrophiliac... How well do you play dead? --- --- If you won't fuck me, can I fuck you? --- --- I'm rubber, your glue. Let's have sex. --- --- I WANT SEX! Sorry, the doctor said that would help.... --- --- You're dead sexy. Get in my pussy! --- --- I'm scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room & test out all of my condoms? --- --- The Lord gave us the power to fuck. So, let's go have sex! --- --- If I was a chipmunk, and you were a bunny,...wait, or was it the other way around...forget it, Wanna screw? --- --- Sex is evil; Evil is sin; Sin is forgiven; so let's begin. --- --- What do I have to do to be your booty call? 12 8 If you talk to me, I'll fuck you. --- --- Do you believe in free love? (Certainly no!) Then how much do you cost? --- --- I have a 13 inch dick. Remember that, there will be an oral exam later. --- --- (Stare at her until she says "What!?!") It isn't just gonna suck itself. --- --- Hey baby, I'll fuck you so well the NEIGHBORS will be having a cigarette when we're done. --- --- Thanks for the blow job last night. (What blow job? I didn't give you one.) You didn't? You owe me one. --- --- Let's go to your place and love each other until my dick falls in your pussy. --- --- I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your ass when I'm finished. --- --- Do you train cats? (No, why?) Because you just made my pussy cum! --- --- Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it. --- --- Let's face it. I'm hot, you're hot and we both know you got a crush on me. And really, who can blame you with a gorgeous face like this. So can I snatch a kiss or vice-versa (that is kiss a snatch). 2 2 Let's not mess with nature. We are here to make babies. So, let's get to it. --- --- I've got a hummer and a vibrator. Which one do you want to test drive first? --- --- Hi, I'm a representative for Joe Boxer. I'm doing a survey on which brand guys prefer leaving in the corner of the room while having wild sex. --- --- Do you wanna go back to my place, fuck, then never speak again? I do. --- --- Ahoy there fair maiden, might I trouble thee for a fisting? --- --- I don't know you, and you don't know me, but who's to say it's wrong if we sleep together? --- --- I have an oral fixation with giving oral gratification. If you are willing to receive I am more than willing to give. --- --- I am participating in the Sexual Olympics multiple orgasm relay race my partner just died of exhaustion. Would you like to help me out? --- --- I just popped a Viagra. So, we've got about 30 minutes to get back to your place. --- --- I think that pick-up lines are for people with to much time on their hands. Let's just fuck. --- --- I'd like to sit and suck on what's hiding behind your zipper. --- --- You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis. --- --- If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you. --- --- You know, looking at you right now, in this light... I could fuck you. --- --- try me once and if you don't like it, what have you wasted? What, six hours of your life? It'd be more if you want foreplay. --- --- I'm afraid of getting pregnant. Want go up to my room and test all of my condoms? --- --- So do you fuck, suck and take it up the ass or am I wasting my time on a Jesus freak? So simple... ...and so brilliant Hi. I'm gay, think you can convert me? 5 4 Grab your jacket, you've scored. Let's go. 3 2 If I'm a pain in your ass... We can just add more lubricants. --- --- Excuse me. My friend over there is a little embarrassed. She'd like your phone number. She wants to know where she can get a hold of me in the morning. 10 8 (not 10!?!) Hey baby! Wanna play superheroes? I'll be Superman and fuck you faster than a speeding bullet. --- --- When we are all done fucking each other silly and licking each other beyond reason - at that point it's such a good time neither one of us wants the night to end - you are not gonna think I'm gay, are you? --- --- Sniff....Sniff... I smell that you are in season, want to breed? --- --- Life is short. Let's fuck and see if there is anything after that. --- --- Let me eat you for an hour. If you don't want to have sex after that, we won't. 2 2 I have the entire dictionary written on my dick. Want me to put some words in your mouth?? --- --- How about you be my story and I'll be your climax! --- --- Do you want to play a game? It's called 'Slob the Knob.' --- --- What's your favorite sound? My favorite sound is my balls slapping your ass. --- --- So, I'm not doing anything until 3:00pm tomorrow, you want to get out of here? --- --- Do you know where the ishium is? How about the fornix? Well, I could tell you where they are, but I would rather show you. --- --- My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass? --- --- The CIA wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you? Repeated? --- --- Roses are red, widows wear black, what will it take to get you on your back? --- --- I'm going to fuck myself until I'm unconscious. Want to help? --- --- I'm just looking for a friend with benefits. --- --- Hi. I think your friend is really hot. Do you have a ride home or is it just going to be the three of us? --- --- Excuse me, can I have some sex, in exchange for sex? --- --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 now i figure if you try all of those your bound to get a couple bites here and there....... good luck gentlemen..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kritical Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 ignore the numbers.....they mean nothing Don't try and tell me what to do.... I wanna know what the fucking numbers mean!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Awesome Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I wanna know what the fucking numbers mean!? Its probably a Try/Fail ratio. Don't worry, most of you lot can just assume it will fail 100% of the time though. I'm yet to meet a girl who has fallen for "Let's go get liquored up and rape each other. " I DID see a guy say "Wanna go half's on a rape charge?" though (ftr it failed). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now