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Heres some good stuff from red dwarf! Damn that shows funny

 

"Well, we know what to get you for Christmas. A double labotomy and six rolls of rubber wallpaper. "

- Rimmer, Quarantine

 

"I have a mind to fill your boots with runny porridge again. That'll teach you a lesson about maturity. "

- Lister, Dimension Jump

 

" Love is a device invented by bank managers to make us overdrawn. "

- Rimmer, Confidence and Paranoia

 

"I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6000, the same IQ as 6000 PE teachers. "

- Holly, Future Echoes

 

Brit com rocks!

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"great he'll be able to pay off that block busters fine

plus ill be able to order him around, not horrible just..

jeremy... could you file this for me

jeremy... could you take this for me

jeremy... could you suck this for me

jesus where did that come from"

peepshow

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  Family Guy - Stewie said:
You know, I rather like this God fellow. Very theatrical, you know. Pestilence here, a plague there. Omnipotence... gotta get me some of that.

 

  Family Guy - Peter said:
See, Meg, things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences.

 

  Futurama - Bender said:
Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine. I'll go build my own lunar lander with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Eh, screw the whole thing.

 

  Futurama - Fry said:
I learned how to handle delicate social situations from a little show called Three's Company.

 

  Home Improvement - Tim said:
Real men don't use instructions, Son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion of how to put this together.

 

  Married with Children - Al said:
Those articles that say married couples have sex every month are just sensationalistic lies perpetrated on the public to sell magazines. It's hooey I tell you, hooey.

 

  Married with Children - Al said:
Son, let this be a lesson to you: never do tequila shooters within a country mile of a marriage chapel.

 

  The Pinky and the Brain - Brain said:
This is the earth. And this is Pinky. You can tell the difference quite easily. One is a lump of inert matter hurtling blindly through the void. The other... is the earth.

 

  Quantum Leap - Sam said:
Ever tried. Ever failed. Never mind. Try again. Fail better.

 

  Sealab 2021 - Captain Murphy said:
Your quest is to find Quinn's ass... then beat it.

 

  Sealab 2021- Captain Murphy said:
Attention all personnel, the Black Death is coming! The Black Death is coming! The great pestilence is finally upon us! Repent! Repent!

 

  Seinfeld - Jerry said:
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.

 

  The Simpsons - Homer said:
I always wondered if there was a God. Now I know. There is, and it's me.

 

  The Simpsons - Homer said:
Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

 

  Southpark - Mr Garrison said:
No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry, there are no stupid answers, just stupid people.
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